Save a Thief, Ride a Goemon
by Sora-M-Jigen
Summary: Oneshot. Jigen loses at a card game and has to do a dare. What is it? Well...you'll have to read to find out. Please read and review!


It was a rather boring night in New Orleans. The sun was set and the nightlife was a spree. However, as for the Lupin gang they were all in the basement playing cards. Even the subtle, quiet samurai was playing. He figured he had done enough meditating that day and it was time for him to take a break from it. They placed everything and anything on the line of luck that they could think of. Fujiko placed down her bra which Lupin was very happy about. Lupin put his Walther P 38 knowing that he would win it in the end. Sora placed down her most favorite tube top knowing that Fujiko would NEVER fit into it and that she would win. But Jigen placed down the one thing he would regret: a dare. He would do anything the winner told him, that is, if he won. He knew the fact that he was the King of Spades, the Ace of Cards, in other words, he knew that he had this game won. 

"All right, everybody, fess up," Sora spoke as she laid down his 2 pair.

"Sorry, Sora, but I think I win," Fujiko stated as she showed a 3 of a kind.

Goemon just put down his cards which were a full house. Knowing that he lost, he returned to his meditating. After all, it was just a stupid game of cards.  
Jigen laughed and showed his cards which were 4 of a kind. However, as he reached for the pot Lupin smirked as he revealed to his cards to Jigen. Jigen's jaw dropped as he saw to his horror that his boss defeated him with a royal flush. Lupin's laughter carried out through the basement as Jigen looked down. He knew what he had to do as Lupin pulled his prizes to him.

"All right, Lupin, what the hell do you want me to do?"

The Master Thief ran over to his friend's ear and whispered what he desired. Jigen's eyes widened as if he had seen a ghost and pulled away from his friend in terror.

"You've GOT to be friggin kidding me."

"It's a dare, remember?"

The gunman sighed knowing that he lost and stood.

"Well, I guess it looks like we're going out everybody."

They all went to a karaoke bar down the block as they went to their table. Jigen, however, went off, and talked to some random guy about a certain song. Sora, Fujiko, and Goemon eyed him suspiciously as Lupin giggled like a little girl. Sora stared at her friend and her boss as she looked back to see Jigen and the mysterious man gone.

They looked toward the small stage where a television screen stood next to a microphone. The same guy Jigen was talking to appeared at the microphone as he began to talk.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is now Karaoke hour. Our first signer will be a Jigen Daisuke with the song Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy."

As everyone clapped Sora's jaw dropped as well as Goemon's. Lupin and Fujiko were howling with laughter as they started to chant Jigen's name. The marksman now appeared at the door and nodded his head at the guy. His heart was filled with humiliation but he knew this was a dare and he was going to live up to it in every way he could. The audience stared at him for a moment as he wore a portable microphone on his collar and a sly grin on his face. The music began to play as he knew what to do considering he heard this song before.

-"DUM-DE-DE-DUM, DE-DE-DUM-DE-DE-DUM, DE-DAA-DAAAAA DUM-DE-DE-DUM, DE-DE-DUM-DE-DE-DUM, DE-DAA-DAA-DAA-DAA-DAAAA!

Well, I walk into the room  
Passing out hundred dollar bills-"-

At that moment he went up to everyone at the bar and gave them a hundred dollar bill as Sora now sat at the bar and winked at him as he slipped the money into her ruby red skirt. The men howled and whistled at her as he continued his song.

-"And it kills and it thrills like the trigger on my Magnum nineteeno grill  
And I buy the bar a double round of sex on the beach-"-

Everyone at the bar gets sex on the beach as Lupin stands and looks at him.

"I WANT SOME!"

Jigen ignored him as he resumed his song while eyeing Sora wit ha rather seductive glare. She winked back at him as he loosened his tie a bit and smiled.

-"And everybody's getting horny  
An' this town ain't never gonna be the same.

Cause I saddle up my Goemon-"-

At that moment Goemon felt something weird on his back as he turned his head to see Jigen saddling him up wit ha keen smile on his face. Sora stared at him before busting out in laughter like Lupin and Fujiko as everyone else gave an expression of 'what the hell?'

-"and I ride into the city-"-

Goemon felt Jigen mount him and whip his arse as he started running around the place like a wild stallion. Soon he ran out the stage as the rest of the gang watched him, howling with laughter, and wondered what he was going to do next.

-"I make a lot of noise-"-

The gunman waved a fog horn in the air as he blew it a few times as Goemon kept running. He was liking this not only because it was a good song, but it was also because he was riding Goemon. It wasn't on his wish list, but he always wanted to see the swordsman reaction if he did ride him.

And oh how he was lovin' it.

-"Cause that girl  
Is oh so pretty-"-

Fujiko tried to grab Jigen's attention making her the pretty girl but as he rode near her, he "accidentally" spilled water onto her white skirt as she screamed. He got to where Sora was a brushed his hand against her lap and her legs. She blushed slightly as he winked at her and she giggled a bit as he rode past her.

-"Riding up and down Broadway  
on my old stud Zenigata-"-

Somewhere the inspector felt a cold chill go through him as he shuddered a bit at the image of Jigen riding him up and down in the bedroom.

-"And the girls say  
Save a thief, ride a Goemon.  
Everybody says  
Save a thief, Ride a Goemon

Well I don't give a dang about nothing  
I'm singing and Bling- Blanging-"-

At the moment all the girls through their jewelry at Jigen as the necklaces circled his neck, and the rings, bracelets, and ankles all went on him as Sora threw him a pair of black sunglasses. He put them on and smiled evilly as Goemon was getting a bit tired.

-"While the girls are drinking  
Long legs up!-"-

He looked over at the bar to see the girls turn their backs to their drinks and throw their legs up as Jigen's girl winked at him and he smiled. He got the idea of eating her out but then he remembered he was in the middle of a song.

And he knew he was going to that to her when they got home anyway.  
And oh how she knew it too.

Lupin smiled as he did everything with the girl's legs and they didn't seem to mind. However, Fujiko did as she soon felt Lupin trying to get it on with her. As usual she slapped him and cried his little whimper and she really didn't care.

-"And I wouldn't trade ol' Zeni or my Lupin for your Fujiko  
Or your freak parade  
I'm the only John Wayne left in this town -"-

Sora screamed in delight as she saw her lover now wearing a cowboy outfit while still riding the swordsman. Goemon was minding this as Jigen didn't seem to notice and he smacked his friend's arse in order to go faster. Goemon obeyed and did so.

-"Cause I saddle up my Goemon  
and I ride into the city  
I make a lot of noise -"-

Jigen now waved a dog whistle in the air as Lupin howled with delight.

-"Cause that girl  
Is oh so pretty -"-

He winked at Sora as he rode over to her and allowed his hand to crawl up into her lap area as she felt his hand touch her area and moaned quietly in pleasure. He smiled deviously and ran off on Goemon onto the stage.

-"Riding up and down Broadway  
on my old stud Zenigata -"-

Zenigata felt that chill again as this time it was colder than ever but he knew something evil was going on that dealt with him.

-"And the girls say  
Save a thief, ride a Goemon.  
Everybody says  
Save a thief, Ride a Goemon -"-

He now stopped Goemon at the center of the stage as he placed one foot on Goemon's saddle and the other on the stage floor. He grabbed the microphone and spoke the next part of the song.

-"I'm a gun slinger  
that's what she said  
in the back of Lupin's yellow fiat -"-

He winked at Sora as she smiled cunningly and winked back at him. Lupin then realized something. He looked at Jigen as he realized why the back of car was wet with some weird white stuff.  
As Jigen spoke he started to remember what exactly happened that night as his smile grew more seductive than the devil tempting the Lord himself.

-"As I was gettin' buzzed on suds  
Out on some back country road  
We where flying high  
Fining, whine, having ourselves a big and rich time  
And I was going, just about as far as she'd let me go -"-

A memory of him eating out Sora flashed through his mind as he noticed that she was thinking the same thing.

-"But her evaluation  
of my stealing reputation  
Had me begging for salvation  
All night long  
So I took her out giggin frogs  
Introduced her to my watermelon sweetness  
And sang her every Danny Elfman song I could think of

And we made love

Cause I saddle up my Goemon  
and I ride into the city  
I make a lot of noise  
Cause that girl  
Is oh so pretty  
Riding up and down Broadway  
on my old stud Zenigata  
And the girls say  
Save a thief, ride a Goemon.  
Everybody says  
Save a thief, Ride a Goemon

What? What?  
Save a thief, ride a Goemon.  
Everybody says Save a thief, Ride a Goemon"-

He ended his song as the crowd stared at him as he walked off the stage, take Sora in his arms, and go out to the car in which he drove in.


End file.
